School, is a prison- I am soooo tired of sitting down in a miiture sized desk listening to boring lectures and instructions about things that I have known since grade 2. My teachers are boring me to death, I can't even rea when I finish my "homework". Which sux because I can get it done easily within 5 minutes of taking out pencil and paper. (and I don't even remember most of my mutipication tables and I can STILL do mah w/o the aid of a calculator.)
Work, is a paycheck- We have way more people then I am used to working in a much smaller area then what I am used to and there's no new stck so there's nothing to do.
The house in which I dwell in with the parental unit. Perpetual Hell- My parents are bitching about how I "lack motivation" and "appear to have no interest in life". Well, right now, really don't. I want only one thing back. I get decent grades I do my work most of the time and I have stoppedfalling asleep in class out of pure boredom. I had 4 jobs going at once.
I WANT TO RIDE AGAIN, DAMMIT!
I am completely and utterly depressed, its been just over 8 months since I last was on a horse. And miss it. I miss the crazy ponies/horses at the barn who were certainly more my family then the stupid parental unit ever was. THEY don't bitch at me or try to fit me into a mold of what they think I should be like. Hell, I even miss the times I got thrown h first into the sand and mucking out the stables. Yeah I miss the smell of the barn, and horses too. I miss cleaning tack. I miss the adreniline rush before a jump and the accomplished feel that I get in a show when my name is called out for the ribbons.The "I did it" feeling, even when me and my horse didn't place first. I even miss the damned flat work without stirrups and the early mornings that I snuck out to the barn and called a taxi to get there. I even miss hauling my ass out of bed and alizing to late that my mucles are too sore to keep me standing.
It's gotton bad enough where I wear my old paddock boots to work and I sleep with my hands round my old halter. I can't even really spend the gift certificate I was given at christmas because it depresses me oo much to walk into a tack store without being there to look at the nice new saddle or the new tackbox that would have replaced my pastic bag for carring my stuff to the barn.
The only thing that has EVEN kept me alive (litterally) the last couple of months is my friends. And having several people off themselves that I knew, one othem had one been my best friend, I know how much that really fucking sucks to grow through. I would never do that to my friends, though it has come close at times. Most of my friends talk to me when they been having problems. But I can't make myself talk to them bout mine...except the occational rant about what assholes my parentals are. If it weren't for my (2-legged) friends I would probably have been either cometed to a mental istitute and given a therapist, or else gone and offe myself. Good thing I have so many friends eh?
...On the plus side though, at least Bella replied in my roleplay.
Anyone out there have any ideas on... themes? for lack of a better word... for me to do. Or a series... or even just something to keep me busy during this long boring weekend. Meanwhile... i shall work on my photomanip.
K, the commish is done, am working on "forsaken" and will getaroud to the others later. Reort cards for last term r tommarrow and I am dreading them....
Happy Birthday to ME!
Euphoric
Defeated
Stumped
Screwed
